Thoughts Unlocked – How To Build Trust

Skot Waldron (00:01.548)
Welcome back to Unlocked the podcast where we don’t just talk leadership advice. We strip away the fluff. We give you real actual insights. And, without all that corporate jargony stuff. Yep. Today we’re going to talk about trust. The thing that I hear a lot right now is that there’s not a lot of trust. Even if I don’t hear it, I see it and the thing, this is the thing that every leader wants, but most just don’t know how to build it very well. think, I don’t know. I say that, but I think that a lot of us know how to build it. We just don’t do it because we’re kind of accidental and how we lead. Trust isn’t built on, you know, fancy mission statements or motivational posters of Eagles flying into the sunset with clouds and rainbows and stuff. It’s, it’s built on the small everyday moments, how you acknowledge effort, how you handle tough conversations, whether or not your team actually believes you see them. And then in those moments when you’re sitting there thinking, yeah, but I already tell my team they’re doing a good job. I give them a good thumbs up and everything. So, hang tight. We’re gonna dive into that just a bit. But by the end of this episode, you’ll have the exact playbook for building trust through acknowledgement and empathy, without sounding, might I say, without sounding like a bad self-help book. So, let’s get into this. Most leaders they don’t wake up thinking, how can I make my team miserable today? I hope they don’t anyway. I don’t want to work with those types of leaders. And yet plenty of teams walk around feeling unseen, unheard, unappreciated. And why? Because we confuse results with effort. Because again, we confuse results with effort.

Think about it. Have you ever worked ridiculously hard on something only to have your boss skim past it like it was something on their grocery list? Well, yeah, it feels like it stings a little bit. But here’s the thing. According to a study from Harvard Business Review, employees who feel recognized for their work are 30% more engaged and 50% more likely to stay at their company.

So, recognition, you see, it’s not just nice, it’s necessary. So, on the flip side, when trust breaks, it’s usually not because of one big incident, okay, that can happen, and those are jarring, but it’s a lot of the little things. I always say it’s those millions of little micro-moments that can make or break your leadership brand. The unchecked frustrations, the unnoticed efforts, the we appreciate you email blasted to everyone. Instead of just being direct, meaningful, and giving that direct, meaningful acknowledgement, okay? Here’s what I want you to do. Three different things. So, step one, we wanna acknowledge the effort, not just the results. So, most leaders they wait until someone crushes a goal or leads a big win to give some kind of recognition. We give an award, and we give some whatever, but here’s the truth, it…

Its trust isn’t built at the finish line. It’s built in the trenches. I’m going to say this again. Trust. It’s not built at the finish line. It’s built in the trenches. Instead of giving a great job on that project. Try. I saw how much research you put into this, and it really made a difference. So, be specific, right? Instead of saying, Hey, thanks for handling that problem. Say, I know that wasn’t an easy situation, but you.

So, you see the difference here, the first version, it’s a bit generic. The second shows you actually noticed the work behind the win. So, let’s build trust in the trenches. Second thing I want you to do is I want you to think about how empathy isn’t just being nice. It’s really smart leadership.

Some leaders they think empathy means that we coddle people. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That’s not what empathy is. Empathy isn’t soft. It’s strategic. It’s about understanding what’s happening below the surface so you can lead effectively. So, let’s say, I don’t know, there’s an employee missing a deadline of some kind. Okay. A leader without empathy just jumps straight in and says, Hey, you need to do better. Okay. A leader with empathy will say things like.

I noticed you’ve been struggling with some deadlines lately. So, what’s going on? How can I support you? What’s something that you need for me? Is there an obstacle in the way? Help me understand a little bit what’s going on. Opening a dialogue. Now you have to do some trust building before that happens, before people will actually be honest with you, I would think. But lower your wall, they lower their wall, okay? One approach fuels resentment. So, the first one, you need to do better. The other one builds trust.

And here’s the mind blowing part that the research, I found some research from the center of creative leadership found that leaders who show high levels of empathy are more likely to be viewed as high performers. So yes, empathy actually makes you better at your job. Okay. The third thing I want you to do here, okay. Create a culture where trust isn’t just a buzzword. Yeah, it’s getting thrown around a lot. Okay, wanna know?

If your team actually trusts you, why don’t we try this test? Do they give you real feedback or do you, do they give you actually just the answers that they think you want to hear? If your team isn’t really pushing back, if they’re not asking tough questions, if they’re not bringing up their ideas, if you know, that’s not respect, that’s fear. And fear is a terrible long-term motivator. So, here’s how we fix it.

Let’s model vulnerability. If you want your team to be open, let’s go first. Share when you mess up. Admit when you don’t have all the answers. Okay? As a leader, you are not supposed to have all the answers. I’m gonna say that again. As a leader, you are not supposed to have all the answers. A lot of leaders they experience this imposter syndrome thing and they feel like they need to have all the answers. They’re gonna disappoint all the people. Now, it’s your job to help them, empower them to get the answers or to know where to get the answers or to remove obstacles so people can get the answers, right? Let’s get the answers. I don’t want you to just throw your hands up in the air and say, you find it. If you figure it out, right? It’s, it’s more about how do we admit that, Hey, you know what? I don’t really know that right now, but let’s work on that together. Or what do we need to do now? Let’s make recognition normal as well. Don’t save acknowledgement for performance reviews. No, please don’t do this. Cause then we teach that we only acknowledge.

Rewards during performance reviews. Normalize celebrating effort in team meetings on Slack messages, Teams meetings, whatever, Teams chats, whatever, or even quick one-on-one check-ins. Here’s the other thing I want you to do. I want you to listen with intent to understand, not just to fix it. Some people they just need to vent. And what’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now? Just ask that question. Hey, what’s the biggest challenge you’re facing right now and actually listen, don’t try to solve it. Just listen, huh, that’s interesting. Tell me more about that. Hmm, ask them, what do you think you would do about that thing? Or that’s interesting, that must really suck, right? Just kind of be there with them. Listen, listen, listen. Okay, now we have to balance encouragement with challenge, okay? Support and challenge. I talk about support and challenge a lot. Here’s the leadership thing that I want you to think about. Be the leader who acknowledges the effort but also pushes for growth. So let’s acknowledge, let’s empathize, but let’s also push for that growth. Encouragement without challenge leads to complacency. Let me say that again. Encouragement, being the cheerleader without the actual challenge can lead to complacency, can lead to entitlement, can lead to other things that we don’t want. Challenge though, without encouragement just leads to burnout, leads to a domination culture, leads to fear manipulation.

But when you balance both, that’s where the magic happens. Instead of, Hey, you’re doing great. Which is nice, but again, vague say, Hey, you made some great progress on the presentations. I really like how you introduced the problem at the beginning of the presentation. Let’s build on that by refining how you handle the Q&A at the end. Cause now you’re offering a little bit of challenge. So, here’s another example, instead of saying, you know what you need to be more strategic.

Say, which strategic is a fun word to say, right? To anybody. I’d love to see you think two steps ahead on the project. So, let’s look, let’s work about how we can do that. Okay. I really like your thinking on how you go about putting the data together and how you’re, you’re structuring some of the presentation, but I really want to think about how we can think two steps ahead on these projects. Now trust it comes from knowing your leader sees you believes in you and expects more from you because, you know what? They know you’re capable. At least I hope you are.

Trust is built in the small stuff. The millions of little micro moments, I’m telling you. Trust doesn’t come from a company retreat or a one-time pep talk. It comes from everyday moments when you take the time to acknowledge, when you show up with empathy, when you balance support with challenge. So, here’s your challenge for the week. Are you ready? I’ve given you some support with the podcast. I’m gonna give you some challenge. Find one opportunity to acknowledge effort specific.

Be more specific in your acknowledgement and one opportunity to lead with empathy. And let’s acknowledge the work done in the trenches, not just the outcome. Okay. Could be as simple as a quick note, maybe a team’s message or chat, a text message or a real conversation. Just try it. Watch what happens. Thank you everybody for again, tuning in to Unlocked. If this episode resonated with you, send it to a leader needs to hear it and remember great leaders, they don’t just lead, they also see.