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EPISODE OVERVIEW:
Jennifer Chapman, an Indy native and Ball State graduate, has had a unique road to get here to where she is today. Life challenged her first at 11 with the unexpected loss of her mom and again at 34 while excelling in Corp Sales. After doing consistent work with a life coach to overcome the mental and emotional challenges internally, Jennifer shifted in 2020 and found the passion and need to coach others through life’s challenges.
She created Just Commit Coaching and offers a 1:1 coaching program for career professionals who are just surviving go from feeling depleted to physically, mentally, and emotionally thriving by embracing their inner warrior.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
Skot Waldron:
Hello, Jennifer. So good see you.
Jennifer Chapman:
Skot, it's good to be with you today.
Skot Waldron:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I am selfishly hoping that I'm going to get coached a little bit on this call, so yeah.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
No pressure.
SKOT WALDRON:
Yeah, no pressure. No, I think what you have to offer is really insightful. We've talked a little bit before the call, and previously even, about your story, and I think that your journey from corporate sales to where you are now, is your story. It's pretty unique. So, let's just kick it off with that, if that's cool.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I'd Love to. Let's do it.
SKOT WALDRON:
So-
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Where do you want me to start?
SKOT WALDRON:
Oh my gosh. So, five years old or so? No, I'm just kidding. No, no, let's-
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, I was going to say I was born June 2nd.
SKOT WALDRON:
No, no, no, no. Let's go from this whole transition, right? You had a corporate sales career, and you were killing it, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
And you were doing great. I mean, and I mean, granted, losing your mom early on shook you to some extent, right? And growing up and how that shaped who you are now, and then having this other experience when you're in the corporate world. So, give us some context there, and I mean, I kind of started it, but you're going to finish it because it's your story, and it's amazing, so I want to hear it.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Well, thank you. Yeah, I like to share, I to start at the point of coming off the most successful year that I had ever had in sales in 2016, and it was a fiscal year, so at the end of May, it was like I had done it, I had hit President's Club, and it was just this incredible year, and ultimately, when I was reflecting on it on that day, and I had turned 34 two days later, so I was taking it all in, and not only I felt relieved, I felt relieved hitting President's Club. I mean, there was some excitement and elation, but ultimately I felt tired, and I was grateful, but just it took a lot. It took a lot.
And then to turn 34, it was that moment, that epiphany that I had that my mom was 34 when she passed. And so, it was that moment of, man, I still feel so young. I still have so much to do here in this life. And so, it was was not like any other birthday, I will say. And then nine months later, still cruising in corporate sales and transitioning roles, and trusting in my sales manager that this was the best move for me, and he had belief in me, and I was leaving for work that morning and life, and my body had different plans for me in that moment, and yeah, as a young, pretty healthy 34 year old, I suffered a life changing stroke.
SKOT WALDRON:
Boom.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's huge.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It was huge.
SKOT WALDRON:
That is not very common. Do you know any statistics? What population percentage actually experiences strokes at age 34, that young?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
More than you would know. More than you think.
SKOT WALDRON:
Really? Okay.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, and no one in my family had ever had one. No one in our close circles had suffered one. So, that was never something I had thought was even a possibility, didn't know much about it. And so, when I was diagnosed with that, and it definitely took them several hours to diagnose, I think because of my age. The first neurologist diagnosed me with vertigo, and it was certainly not that. And so, I don't know the statistics, that's a great question, but also in the last five years, me being connected with so many other young stroke survivors, I mean, I think because I'm so hyperaware, I see and hear about it often, very often.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, what kind of symptoms did you experience? I know this call isn't necessarily about that, but I think it's still educational and insightful for a lot of people out there that-
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I do.
SKOT WALDRON:
... might experience the same thing.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, no, thank you. I love to shed light on it, and do want to bring awareness and attention to it. I don't think mine were as normal as other symptoms, but I immediately started sweating profusely through my clothes within seconds, and got overwhelmingly dizzy, I mean, quickly. And then within probably five minutes of that, when I called my aunt to tell her, "Something doesn't feel right," and she's like, "You don't sound right," and I could tell that my voice was starting to change, and I could tell that it was getting harder to swallow. But luckily, I can tell you that your brain goes into protection mode, and it didn't allow me to freak out and panic, it just allowed me to stay completely in control, and kind of take it literally one second at a time, and to go through the motions of calling 911, waiting for them to come. I'm not processing, "Oh my gosh, what's happening right now?" But thankfully, I didn't do that.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, you have this life-changing experience, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
Then what?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
After going through the acute rehab process of relearning the basic things that we all do and take for granted every day, such as learning how to walk, and swallow, and going through outpatient therapy for four months, going through speech therapy, and learning to drive again, and get my license back, and yeah, going through a whole lot of physical rehab and recovery, I thought, "Well, I want to go back to what I know. I want to go back to my normal, whatever that is," and so, I went back to corporate sales.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I don't advise that.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay. Why? What happened? You're like, You made President's Club, you were crushing it, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I did.
SKOT WALDRON:
Why wouldn't you want to go back to that?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I loved it. Yeah. Looking back, reflecting now, I went back too soon. My body was still healing, it was in healing mode, and I'm very thankful that I went back to a corporate organization that was so supportive of me, because I know that is not always the case, so I do want to point that out as well. They were so gracious with me, and it was not like I was going back and them saying, "Okay, what are you going to sell this next quarter?" That was not the question they asked.
It was just like, "Do what you can do each day and support your team around you, and that's all we ask of you, and if you need to leave early or come in late, do it. Just tell us. We're here for you." So, I loved that, but for me, I was I think living in this world of fear and anxiety of any little move that I thought I was going to make that would make me feel dizzy again or off balance, that I was going to have another stroke. That's what I was living with every day for a long time.
SKOT WALDRON:
Yeah, my mom went through cancer a couple years ago, right? And so, every time now she goes, "Oh, I have a fever," because that was a symptom that she was experiencing beforehand, and anything that pops up, it's just like, "Oh, there's that thing."
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Oh yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
"There's that thing." Right? So, it's that constant... Now, that can hinder a lot of people, right? And so, did it hinder you, that mentality? How did you cope with that?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I definitely think it can hinder you, but I would much rather be hyperaware of what's going on and it be nothing, than continue to go around doing what we're taught as a society. I will share that, because when those symptoms first started showing up within those first couple of minutes of that morning, I thought to myself, "Okay, I know something's going on here, but I'm going to hope it subsides. I'm going to go to work today, and I'm going to deal with it later. I'll make a doctor appointment later." No. My body was telling me something different, and I had to listen. Heaven forbid I didn't. I don't even want to think about what if. So, I would much rather be hyperaware and it be nothing, than ignore what my body's telling me, and it turn into something worse.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, you went back to work, you went back too soon. They were very supportive, the organization that you worked for was super supportive, super great, but you don't do that anymore?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
No, I do not.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, how did that happen?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I stayed with them for another year and a half, and through that next year and a half, I was still dealing with the mental and emotional recovery of a stroke, and I felt like I was unstable in that department. And so, while still working for them, I'm thankful that I reached out to a friend who said, "Why don't you try working with a life coach to help you?" And I was so open to anything, because I knew that I did not want to stay where I was, and that's maybe something we'll get into, but I mean, that's the first step, is knowing, "I don't want to be here anymore. How do I get out of here?" And not saying, "Well, I don't want to be anymore, but I really don't know what to do so I'm just going to stay here," which is what I see a lot of people do.
So, I hired a life coach and worked with her for eight months, every other week in a coffee shop, and for those first few sessions, I was the emotional hot mess in the corner of the coffee shop, and she just sat with me and listened, and held that safe space for me with no judgment, and let me process what was going on. [inaudible 00:12:08].
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay. So, then you thought, "Wow, this is cool. This is impactful, and maybe I should do this?"
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I wasn't there yet. She told me that I was going to be a coach, before I believed in myself enough to want to be a coach. I had lost all confidence, Skot, in myself, and although I knew that I was no longer fulfilled selling what I was selling anymore for this corporate organization, and if I could give them a shout out, I worked for Cintas, and they were such an amazing company, and still are, and I'm still connected to a few people there, and they brought just pure joy, just what an incredible experience, but I was no longer fulfilled selling floor mats and restroom supplies, if you can believe it.
And so, I was being recruited on LinkedIn at the time, and because of my success, I was being recruited to kind of up level and go sell either medical device or for pharma sales, and I started to interview thinking, "Well, at least I'm going to sell something that's going to make a difference for somebody and make them feel better." That's what I thought, which you do, but going through interview processes with those companies, I wasn't thinking like, "Yeah, it's the same. You're still in sales, you're still doing the grind, the expectations are sky high." And it was a blessing in disguise that when I was looking for my next move, that I made it all the way through the process with a huge med device company, and it was in that final interview that was a two and a half hour long interview, toughest interview I've ever had, that it was the first time outside of my circle of family and friends and Cintas family that I had shared, when he was asking me about my life experience, that I had suffered a stroke.
And I could immediately feel the shift in the room. I could feel my confidence leave my body like, "Should I have just said that? Do I regret just saying those words? Is that what's going to keep me from getting this job?" And obviously, it wasn't specific like, "We're not going to hire you because of this, but I could feel it," and sure enough, the next day I got the call, and they didn't move forward with me, and yeah I was disappointed because, hey, I'm a competitive person, I want to win, I cared, but what a blessing in disguise that that didn't work out.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay. So, then that little voice in the back of your head popped in from your coach?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Not yet.
SKOT WALDRON:
Not yet? Okay.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
No.
SKOT WALDRON:
Keep us going. Let's go.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, not yet. I said yes to... My college roommate at the time had created five years before that, a home health company. She created the non-medical division of it, and there was a skilled side as well, meaning PT, OT, and speech, and then the private duty side. And so, she's like, "Hey, we're growing. Do you want to come over here and be our marketer for the City of Indianapolis?" And I'm like, "This, I can do. This, I can do," because A, there was no more corporate expectation, or pressure, or stress, and I really felt like yes, although we were selling what we had to offer, for me it was more about we're just educating people. We're just educating people who we are, what we do, and why we do it.
And it was good for a while, it was good, and then a thing called the pandemic hit in 2020, and when I couldn't leave my house, I took advantage and just started learning, and training, and dabbling into, "Could I really do this? What can this look like? Who am I meant to serve here?" And so, I started going through some trainings, and programs, and investing in me. And then in 2021 last year, I went through a yearlong coaching certification through, it's called ICM, Institute for Coaching Mastery, with Alyssa Nobriga, one of the most incredible human beings that I know, and man, was it the most transformational experience for me personally. We can talk about that, but it was quite healing for me, and now I'm a certified life coach and ready to serve others now at wherever I'm meant to serve, and share, and help, and contribute, is what I know I'm meant to do.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay. So, okay, before I ask that question, so what do you take away from all this? What's the big aha from this transitional journey that you've been through, to where you are now?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Love that question. The big aha for me happened while I was working with my life coach, and it gives me chills to think about it right now that my mom was 34 when she passed. She didn't make it, and I was 34, and I made it, and there's a reason for that. And so, it's to not only honor my mom's legacy and know that she is with me in this next huge chapter of my life, but that yeah, I'm meant to serve others and help them move forward as well, and I had this conversation with this guy a couple months ago and he was like, "So you had a career before, and now you've stepped into your calling," and I was like, "Yeah, I have. That's right."
SKOT WALDRON:
That's cool.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Thank you.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's cool.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It feels really good.
SKOT WALDRON:
Yeah, I bet, and the 34 year old thing, I don't know what that is. What do you even say?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
[inaudible 00:18:09].
SKOT WALDRON:
That's crazy.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, because it's like losing my moment, I was 11 years old at the time, and so, losing her suddenly like that, and no, she did not pass from a stroke, I get asked that, but it was still a very quick sudden loss that would've been enough for a kid and an adult in a lifetime, or to have a stroke at 34 would be enough for one adult in a lifetime, but to have both at the same age, everything truly came full circle, for sure.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's unreal.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It is.
SKOT WALDRON:
How many people can have that life experience, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
And so, when you think about your purpose, your why, your vision for what you want to do, right? Those are kind of different things, but what is that?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I know it's to make a contribution to something that's bigger than myself, and it's doing what I'm doing, which I love doing podcast guesting, and I'm so honored to be speaking with you on yours today, but to share my message in hopes that someone in your audience hears it, whether they reach out or not or feel called, but that something landed with them that makes them maybe think, or pivot, or gain a different perspective. That's what it's all about for me, for sure.
SKOT WALDRON:
And what is that message?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
That you're not meant to be on this earth to just survive and to go through the motions, especially over these last two years, let alone anything that's happened in your life before that, but that you're meant to thrive, and you're not meant to do it alone, but you have to be willing and wanting to know what's on the other side of that comfort and that safety, and maybe that's all that you've known up to this point. But there's so many people that have reached out saying, "On the outside, everything looks really good, right? I've got a good paying job, I've got the spouse, I've got the kids. Life looks really good, but is this it? Am I truly fulfilled? Is this all that I am meant to do for the rest of my days? I don't think that it is, but what do I do? Where do I go? How do I do it?" And are they willing to look, and seek, and explore, and be curious, and be open?
Where I feel like my dad's generation, they saw things one way. And so, it's up to us, we have the ability to either continue on that path and think that's the only way to get there, is to work your 10 to 12 hour days, five days a week, and retire when you're 65. Not that there's anything wrong with that, because he is a tremendous human being, and he's definitely one of my people, but I just see that it can be done a completely different way, and I'm willing to know what that is and look for it, and I want to help other people do the same, if they want to.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's cool. So, let's talk a little bit about this topic of this trigger word for you that came as a result of your stroke, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
What did people call you, and innocently, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Innocently.
SKOT WALDRON:
They kind of would just say it, because we say it in society, but what's that term that they used when they would describe you?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah. When I've been interviewed or being on a podcast, or being just in general conversation, they would say that I'm a stroke victim, and I cringe. What a trigger word that is for me, because I immediately thought every time I hear it, and it still happens and it's very unintentional, but it's like uh, no, I would only be a victim if literally, the stroke took my life, or I adapted a victim mentality, which is what unfortunately, many stroke survivors have taken on. I see it in the Facebook groups that I'm in, and I mean, it hurts my heart to see it when they say, "I miss the old me, I just want to go back to the old me. I want to go back to the way things were," and it's like, until you realize that's never going to happen, you will stay stuck right where you are.
And so, then it made me think, "Wait a second. This is so applicable across the board," because I will be fully transparent in admitting that I've played the victim role when I was in corporate sales, coming off the most successful year of my career. I'd call it that President's Club hangover or that success hangover, where it took a few weeks to bounce back and kind of start to get in the flow again of selling, and the grind of going to so many accounts, so many calls, so many stop bys, all the things that go into it. And I started to blame other things outside of myself, because I didn't know then how to properly do that, to look in the mirror.
And then especially over these last two years, man, I see it more than ever, blaming so many things that are outside of your control. That's a huge takeaway for me, is control. You control your controllables, which is what I always heard from my sales manager, and I loved that, because then it applied to corporately, could I control what happened during the sales meeting? Only so much of it. What I said, my actions, my attitude, my effort, that's it. I couldn't control what their decision was going to be. And so, I see that that's a huge conversation for me and a huge topic that I'm seeing myself talking to more and more people with today, and how to shift from a victim mentality into what I call warrior mentality.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, how did you make that shift from the victim, "I'm a stroke victim," to "I'm a stroke" what? What was-
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Stroke warrior. Stroke survivor. I mean, I'm more than a survivor. I'm very thankful that I have this massive competitive streak within me, and so, that's what helped me excel in my physical rehab recovery first. That was I think the first time I realized, "Okay, I just want to be better than I was the day before. I want to do a little bit better than I was the day before," and that was a no-brainer for me, personally. It's not that way for everybody, but that's what helped me just kind of not compare where someone else was in their recovery, but just controlling what I could control, which was, "Can I be 1% better than I was yesterday?"
And so, that's really what has carried me these last five years, and continuously wanting to get better, and continuously wanting to heal in every capacity, in every area of my life, and my health is still my number one, because I'm just so hyperaware and listening to my body. And so, it's creating those small shifts every day, and to help myself, when I got up in the morning, what was I going to tell myself? Did I want to go back to sleep? Especially on the hard days, that's when I needed and wanted to get up and improve in some area. So, that's what I love to talk about.
SKOT WALDRON:
Okay. So, you've been talking a lot about just recently, and you don't only talk about victim mindset, you talk about a lot of different things, but I'm going to just harp on that for just a second, if I can. So, this victim mindset, you spoke about that recently to a group that you were coaching at a local school there. What is it that you're talking about, as far as victim mindset? What's the challenge that you are, I guess coming up against a lot with individuals and victim mindset?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I first like to mention maybe why someone has it, and maybe they're not even aware of it, which is a lot of the times, they're maybe not even aware of it. But really, I think the number one thing, more than anything else of how that can show up, is literally any unhealed trauma that you have, or anything in your past that is unfinished, is going to show up in your future, if you haven't dealt with it. It's guaranteed, and that can be a lot of forms, right? It could be a loss in your life, some sort of grief that you still have, that you haven't dealt with. It's not an easy topic, but it's so important, and oh by the way, we're all going to face it at some point, if we haven't already.
I'm not an expert on abuse by any means, but whether you've been mentally, emotionally, or physically abused, you are a survivor. I don't even want them to feel like they've been called a victim, unless they adapted their own mentality in that, and that they haven't overcome that, and by the way, the only way to overcome any of this is to go through it. That's what we're not trained to do as human beings. That's what I've learned, is that you numb it, you resist it, you bury it, you mask it. You don't want to deal with it. What are we so afraid of when we deal with it? Why do we not want to know what's on the other side of all our life experiences, the tough ones? Those are what make us. That's what I wholeheartedly believe, and so many of us, whether it was before two years ago, or three, the last two years in the hardships that we've all faced, is don't let those define you. They're definable moments. My experiences in my life are definable experiences, but I'm not going to let them own me.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's good. How do I know if I have a victim mindset? You said sometimes we don't know that we're doing it, or that we have it. So, what are some signs or some indications that I may be experiencing that, things for us to watch out for?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah. One of the bigger ones is blame, right? Blaming lack, "I don't have the tools or resources to do my job. I'm going to blame my boss. It was his fault, not mine. I'm going to blame the economy. I'm going to blame my spouse." The people we love the most, is usually our easiest targets. Not that I would have any personal experience in that, blaming my husband for anything, but-
SKOT WALDRON:
Never, never.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
... that's a big one ever. Yeah, never, never. Just no accountability, not wanting to take responsibility for anything, potentially overcompensating for something. Those are the biggest things that I see when it comes to victim mentality, and yeah, a lot of those listed right there, most people aren't aware that they're doing.
SKOT WALDRON:
Yeah, and I heard this quote in regards to that too, and I'll mention this sometimes to my clients as well, but "Every victim needs a villain," and just thinking about if you feel acted upon and not in control of that thing, then you automatically, like you said, you defend, you blame. You're always looking for the outside thing that is affecting you and causing all of this, and not taking responsibility.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Right, and there's a really great book out there that I'm huge fan of, Dr. John Delony, I don't know if you're familiar. So, he's a-
SKOT WALDRON:
No, I haven't. Mm-hmm.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
He's a Harvard professor, he was, I don't know if he still is, but he wrote a book that came out this summer called Own Your Past, Change Your Future, and he would talk about... There's a lot to talk about. Man, I am such a huge fan of his book, but let's say you're frustrated or angry with somebody about something, it's not that person that's the trigger, they're triggering your trigger. So, not to go into detail, but my brother, who's awesome, I saw this in him, and he would blame a lot of his relationships with his frustrations, but they were triggering his trigger.
He had not yet dealt with the loss of our mom when we were kids, and I knew that, because it's been 29 years this week, by the way, that we lost her, and it wasn't until last year that I feel like I was able to fully go there and fully heal. So, for it to take that long for me, and he wasn't nearly ready yet for himself until these last few months, and he's been able to go there and deal, and he is a completely changed human being for doing so. It's amazing. So, just notice when you're frustrated at somebody or judging somebody, that's because life is a mirror. It's reflecting back to you something that you haven't dealt with yet.
SKOT WALDRON:
And I'm kind of putting you on the spot here, but if I recognize that I have this victim mentality, is there anything I can do to kind of help myself with that, move beyond it, start to work on it? What are some small, minute things, if I don't have a coach or something like that to help me process this information, or a therapist, those are different things, and we just [inaudible 00:32:51] care about what those are, but what are some tips you give people?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
I would first check in with what's your self-talk look like? And because thoughts are just thoughts. One of the only things we can control in this life is literally what's going on in our own head. Hard to do, because there's the ego part of us that likes to take over and protect us, keep us safe, and what we're really good, at our mind, is a meaning making machine. So, you could have a thought that comes up. The question is then, what are you making it mean? Are you identifying with it? Are you judging it? Those are what's going to get you stuck, but once you're able to bring awareness to it and be able to see it, you are no longer that thought. If you can see that it's just a thought and that you're not identifying it, not making it mean anything about you, that's a huge step.
And then to accept it, versus what we're taught probably as kids, and what we did as a kid, which was either, what? Fight, fight, freeze, resist, numb, defend, but oh, just see that it's here, accepting it, sitting with it for a minute, that thought, that feeling, the emotion, whatever it is, it's just a part of us. It's not who we are, it's just a small part, but meeting it with acceptance and saying, "Okay, I see you, but I'm not going to continue to follow that path. I'm now ready to take it in a different direction," but the positive self-talk is huge. So, when you notice, for example, saying at the end of the day, "Man, I didn't get so much done on my to-do list. I still have so many things to do," acknowledge what did you get done? Did you just get done one thing? Great. Celebrate that.
I share with people to celebrate something about yourself every day for who you are, not even necessarily the roles that you play, right? It could be something work related that you want to celebrate. Great, but celebrate. The smallest wins are the biggest in life. The small things become the big things. It's practicing gratitude, which I feel like I can't say that enough, and so many people talk about having a gratitude practice, but do you, and do you only on the days that are really good? Or are you able to dig deep and find things that you're grateful for on the tough days, on the hard days? Because there's always something. I don't care if it is that you had hot water in your shower this morning, celebrate that. Not everybody has hot water in the shower, or that you were able to drive to the store, and that's all you did for the day. Great. Not everybody's able to drive to the store.
SKOT WALDRON:
I heard a really good, I was listening on podcast this morning, Jon Acuff's podcast, on All It Takes Is A Goal, and he had this woman on, and she's also a coach, but she has a really interesting background of military work and stuff like that, but she was all about happiness, and she talked about happiness quite a bit, and she said something interesting that kind of fits in with what you just said, right? It's this mentality we have of, "I'll be happy when," right? "I'll be happy when I finish my list. I'll be happy when I can check things off my list and get these many things done per day. I'll be happy when I make this much money," or "I'll be happy when somebody meets my expectations that isn't meeting them," right? And instead of the word "win," she switches it to "while." So, she says, "I'll be happy while I am working on my list. I'll be happy while I'm making the money I am now, and working towards that," right? And it's just that small switch, it was so smart, and I was like, "Oh, that's so good."
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It's so good, and because the happiness is within you. It's not external, just like what I felt like my brother was doing, looking for that happiness outside of himself, through a relationship. Your spouse, you want to know how to be happy with or without your spouse. It's not, "I'll be happy when I get married or get in a relationship." No, can you be happy with who you, are without that? And if you do find that mate for you, that's just icing on the cake, but it's all about you. Everything you want and need is within you.
SKOT WALDRON:
And we got to cut out this making it conditional all the time, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
We talk about conditional love when we talk about with other people, but we do that with ourselves quite a bit, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Right, totally.
SKOT WALDRON:
It's like this conditional situation, and it's there already, and that's why the show is called Unlocked, right? It's not about becoming, it's about unlocking who we already are, because we already have that within us, right? And it's just we dam it up, we put it in a box, we close the door on it, and we don't let it out, for some reason, right? We're afraid of something, or trying to hide something, trying to prove something to somebody, and that can hold us back quite a bit from building influence with other people, building relationships, letting ourselves be who we are really truly designed to be, and it hurts. It hurts not only us, but other people around us that could benefit.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Totally. I think we make it a lot harder than it actually is, because that's the conditioning and what we learned as kids, and everything we are now, we in some way, probably learned it by the time we were age seven, eight, nine years old, through family, through media, through all external sources, but now, ultimately everything is within you. And I guess the message I would share is it's like that whole putting on that the oxygen mask first, is your soul cup. Your cup, it's not half empty or half full, it's always full. What is it full of? Is it full of joy, and happiness, and love, and contentment, and acceptance? Or is it full of emptiness, depression, anxiety, sadness, fear, anger? Because whatever it's full of, that's what's going to pour out onto everyone else around you. And so, if you know how to fill your own cup up every day, those small things every day, because that's what you want to spill out into the people around you.
SKOT WALDRON:
Right on, right on. Well said. This has been so good. This is exactly why I wanted to talk to you, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Thanks.
SKOT WALDRON:
And so, tell me really quick, why did you choose the name, Just Commit, for your coaching practice?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah. I love my name, by the way, thank you, and I get a lot of compliments on my name. And so, almost five years ago, so when I was looking for a new way from a physical exercise standpoint, because I used to, before my stroke, I was like a boot camp style workout girl. It was intense. If I didn't sweat through my clothes, it wasn't a good workout. And so, after my stroke, my doctors advised against doing those types of workouts, and so I had to pivot and I had to find a new way. And so, I found a Pilates studio down the road, and it's called Just Breathe, which I love, but I noticed in every class she'll say, "We're in the most uncomfortable position you can imagine already," and she'll say, "Okay, we're just going to lift. We're just going to pulse, just hold. Okay, so we're going to be in a plank, and we're just going to hold for two minutes. Got it," and she makes it sound so simple.
And so, when I created this, I'm asking you to just commit to whether it's a three month or a six month program with me, I'm asking you to just commit, and it sounds so simple, but there's a lot to it. There's a lot that goes into it, and it's ultimately are you committing to yourself? It's just like the Nike phrase, of course, "Just do it." It sounds so simple. We're just telling you to just do it, just commit, but there's a lot that goes into it, and I love it.
SKOT WALDRON:
That's cool. Yeah, it is about that commitment, and-
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It is.
SKOT WALDRON:
... it's a mentality thing, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It is.
SKOT WALDRON:
Are we doing that thing, and making change, and doing the work, right? It's all in the work.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It is, it is. My coach was a game-changer for me, but it's being able to acknowledge I did the work, I did what she told me to do. She could've told me anything, right? And I could just show up every other week and I'd probably, I'd still be seeing her as a coach now. Luckily, she's my mentor and friend now, but that's what I would tell anybody. You have to be ready. Just like if you want to quit something, if you want to quit smoking, or quit drinking, or quit eating something that's not great for you every day. You have to be willing and ready to do it. I could support you all day in wanting to do the work, but you have to do the work yourself. You have to be willing, and want to know what's on the other side of that discomfort, that fear, that safety, which is probably what you've always known.
SKOT WALDRON:
Safety.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Safety.
SKOT WALDRON:
It's just nice just to be like, "I just like to stay in my safe place, Jennifer. Don't make me step out."
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah. Yeah. What are we so scared of? The unknown, the fear of the unknown-
SKOT WALDRON:
I know, I know.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
... keeps us safe.
SKOT WALDRON:
I may be afraid of the fact that I'm not who I thought I was, and there's so much more and I have potential to do more. Maybe there's a responsibility that for me to do more, and I like just being comfortable.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Do you?
SKOT WALDRON:
Actually, no, because I do push myself quite a bit. Actually, you know what? Here's the funny thing, is when you think about that, it's like I do find myself, and that's why I love coaching, I love being coached, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
So do I.
SKOT WALDRON:
Is because I love that there's an accountability factor to that, and I love that they make me do things that are hard, and it's like whenever I would go cycling with a friend of mine, and when I cycle by myself, I'll give myself a pass sometimes. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll work hard, but eh, I don't know if I feel really like doing that extra hill climb," or whatever. But this guy I used to go with, every time we'd go up to the mountains up in North Georgia, there's a mountain called Brasstown Bald, highest point in Georgia, and he'd be like, "Here, let's go," and I'm like, "Ah dude, again?" He's like, "Come on, let's go," and I'm just like, "All right."
So, I did it every single time. I griped a little bit, but it was in that journey that I got better, and I got stronger, and I got faster, and I went by myself one time, and he wasn't even there to egg me on. So, it was like, it's that, I think that mentality that we find, that's what I loved about having somebody on the journey with me, or a coach to really help me in that process.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, I feel the exact same way. I wouldn't be not even close to where I am now. Whether I'm a coach or not, I wouldn't be where I am without my coach who helped me, and I mean, I feel like everybody needs somebody, and although I had the best friends and family a girl could ask for when I was going through what I went through, but they could only get me so far. And they were there to listen and give me a hug, and that was great, but I was like, I wanted more, I needed more, and that's why I reached out, and that's what I wish so many other people would just have the courage, and be curious and be open to, "Maybe this is not all I'm meant to do. I know there's potential in me, and I'm ready to explore and step out of my comfort zone a little bit," because that's where the magic is.
SKOT WALDRON:
So, let me ask you really quick, so how somebody gets in touch with you, and the who gets in touch with you, okay? So, there's a difference again between somebody who needs therapy, versus somebody who wants coaching, life coaching, versus corporate leadership coaching, and things like that, right? And so, I do a lot of the corporate side of things, you are on more of the life coaching aspect of things. So, who needs to come to you, and how do they get in touch with you?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, thanks for asking. A lot of women have gotten in touch with me, more than men, that they've realized that they're ready to kind of take themselves to the next level. Like it's been a rough two years, or maybe it's been something in their past that they haven't dealt with, but they're ready to know that that's potentially what's been holding them back from being able to fully move forward. But it's seeing, yeah, like I said, "From the outside, things look pretty good. I've got a great a spouse, I've got some kids, I've got a job. Life looks pretty good, but something's missing. I feel unfulfilled, and I want to explore what that can be. I want to tap into that," and really, as a coach, it's not only being able to really just hold space for someone that's ready to just get some things off their chest and explore, but it's just all the wisdom is within you.
That's what I learned, right? My coach, she would just ask the questions to tap into me being able to answer my own questions. Even in the speaking engagement I did this week at this college, a lady asked a question, and I asked a question back, and she answered her own question. It just helped to say it out loud and think about it a little, pause a little bit. And so, yeah, I would love for more men to kind of be open to exploring, expressing, being vulnerable a little bit more versus holding it in, which is probably what they've done their entire lives, and that's fine, my husband's one of them. But it's mostly been women, and where they've maybe lost a little belief in themselves, or their confidence, or they're just not at a 10 right now, but what can be an out of 10 look like?
SKOT WALDRON:
That's awesome. And then how do these people get in touch with you?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, so my website is justcommitcoaching.com, jennifer@justcommitcoaching.com. Email me, check out my site, schedule a time. I do complimentary clarity sessions to just explore, are we a good match for one another? Am I the one to be able to help support you in your next... Where you want to be three months from now, six months from now? I'm on LinkedIn often, so I love to connect on there too, and share some content on there as well. So yeah, I love speaking to groups and hosting workshops, so if your team's ready for a little extra encouragement or motivation, I would love to be that person.
SKOT WALDRON:
Awesome. Clarity sessions, that's so good. I love that.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Thank you.
SKOT WALDRON:
We all want that, right?
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah.
SKOT WALDRON:
We all want clarity, so.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Yeah, that can be a powerful session in and of itself, really.
SKOT WALDRON:
I bet.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
It is.
SKOT WALDRON:
I bet. Well, thank you, Jennifer. It's been so cool talking to you. I knew this would be good. I knew you had a lot to offer, so I'm going to end it here because it's been so good, but again, I just want to thank you, my audience, thanks you, and anything we can do to support you, let me know.
JENNIFER CHAPMAN:
Thanks so much for the opportunity, Skot. It's been awesome.
SKOT WALDRON:
There were a lot of opportunities for Jennifer to fall back into a victim mindset, but through the coaching she experienced from her mentor and then coaching people herself, she has learned that there's no strength in resorting back to a victim mindset. How do you go from a career to a calling? How do you make that jump? That's an interesting thing, an interesting transition that we all need to sit there and think about. Most of us have careers, but is it our calling? Is it the thing that we're built to do, the thing that we're designed to do? We're not just here to survive.
This life, we only get one. We're not here just to survive. Let's thrive in the space that of which we're in, and that means certain things are going to happen to us, or because of us, and we can decide what we're going to do with those things. There are definable moments in our life, and you heard some of those from Jennifer, and it defined who she is now. Every moment you've experienced thus far has defined you, and every moment thus far, every struggle, you've made it through all of them, because you're here right now.
So, let's keep moving forward. Thanks Jennifer, for all your insights and your glorious story. Good luck to you. If y'all want to find out more about me, you can go to skotwaldron.com. You can research some information that I provide there. I have a lot of free goodies, and some other show notes there for you. You can go to YouTube, like, subscribe, comment there, please. Connect with me on LinkedIn, let's do it, y'all. So, thanks a lot for being here on another episode of Unlocked.
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